From Having a Five Year Old
Since Little Man turns six tomorrow I decided to go ahead and do a “Things I have learned…” post, having to deal with the last year of his life. I got input from other moms, and of course from Soldier too.
I hope you enjoy this compilation of “Things I have learned”. Please leave some of your own “Things I have learned…” in the comments below – we all want to know we aren’t alone in raising our kids, so share up!
1. First and foremost: LIFE ISN’T FAIR!
On a daily, minute by minute basis, I am reminded of this fact. Not only am I reminded of that fact from the screaming five year old, but also from my own mind, screaming at me under the sledge hammer pounding headache I have. (Perhaps I should be following this lady like a full on stalker: http://www.msfultzscorner.com/2012/06/fair-doesnt-have-to-be-equal.html I’m positive that would work as well at home as at school!)
For instance: The internet box (I’m super techy can’t you tell) got unplugged – a plug that goes in the top and has to be pulled out – straight up. When I asked why Little Man did this he said, “Well [Little Bean] pushed me and it made me unplug it…”. I’m sorry, in what world does that even make sense or is it even a possibility
3. Listening is optional – always.
More often than not when I’m talking to Little Man and he will ask me, “what?” 75 times. I know he can hear me, especially since I’m usually yelling it. Another fun “listening is optional” moment is when I’m telling him to do something and he becomes a deaf mute. Completely incapable of responding, moving or any other form of action required to live, other than breathing.
*After reading this article I’m pretty certain the above is a little bit my fault- whoopsie! http://notjustcute.com/2014/09/10/six-ways-youre-unintentionally-telling-kids-not-to-listen/
4. Food will get attention every time, it will also guarantee results.
When Little Man pulls his deaf mute move, I pull out my handy go to – the snack box. This magical box has cured many a problems, i.e; deaf mute, paralyzed legs or arms or both at the same time, a broken spine, a trance like coma sleep, and a plethora of other ailments and disorders. I’m sure it will eventually cause diabetes, but I think I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now I will enjoy that it gives him the jolt he needs to pick up his Legos.
5. Tummies start hurting a lot, mostly when a chore has been given out.
I cannot tell you how many times Little Man has been on his death bed after I have told him to do a chore or pick something up. Perhaps the snack box is causing these horrific deathly episodes…
6. Frightening five years olds should be warned about more than terrible two’s.
This fun fact is probably the greatest of the “Things I have learned”!!
I would rather have five 2-year-olds than one 5-year-old! Sure, I had rough days with my 2-year-old Little Man and Little Bean isn’t always a treat, but 5-year-old Little Man feels impossible! Some days I think, if he argues with me one more time or says he wants the opposite of what I say, I will jump off a bridge. Okay so I wouldn’t really but good Ghandi 5-year-olds are not always delightful!
This article is about three year olds but I just see a pattern of it getting worse with each year they grow older… http://www.scarymommy.com/three-is-more-terrible-than-two/
7. They are better policemen than actual policemen.
I love police officers, greatly, and think they do an outstanding job, but truly 5-year-olds win. If you say the “s” word, aka stupid, they will come down on you like you just murdered a kitten. If you are doing anything, i.e: going to the bathroom, they will interrogate you like you are Hitler trying to facilitate a mass destruction of people. Every answer you give will need at least six follow up questions and answers. And every question they ask will be asked with a severe purpose.
8. Flopping is learned at home, not in the NBA.
Oh the flopping – it is too much. I thought it was bad when I saw NBA players do it, but when I see my 5-year-old do it, I want to hang myself. Every little thing that happens to or even next to him he will flop about like a fish out of water. He acts as if his life is over, his entire family has been massacred, his puppy was run over, his feet were cut off and his arms were broken – and that is only if Little Bean took a drink of his milk without asking. I don’t even want to tell you what it’s like when something actually horrible happens to him, like me asking him to pick up his Lego’s.
Like any 5-year-old, mine likes to think he is boss. He likes to tell us our business and what we should do or not do. He will get shut down quickly, but bless his heart it hasn’t stopped him from being persistent, at all. No Little Man will make sure he is persistent in everything he tells us to do. On the other hand his persistence stops when when it’s time for us to have him do something.
And now for the cheesy part (it was inevitable, so just go with it.)
10. Being a buddy and being a mom can happen and it is starting to more and more.
By no means do I mean that I am Little Man’s friend and not his mother. Nope, I am his mom, period. However, even through naughtiness and hard times, Little Man has become my buddy more and more each day. I’m starting to know him as a person and not just as my kid. He is getting his own identity and as scary and rough as it is, it is beautiful and I love hanging out with my buddy. I love our conversations and our chats, I love his manners, his mannerisms, his love, ambition and oomph for life. I love that Little Man so much, even on days he is more of a terrorist than a child!
There you have it folks the top ten “Things I have learned… from having a five year old.” What would you add to these “Things I have learned…”? Do you have a list of your own “Things I have learned…” from having any age of children? Are there some “Things I have learned…from having a six year old” you would like to share with me, considering tomorrow we are in the six territory? Let me know! Share with your friends so that they can share with us!
And for some more laughs: